Writing an obituary is one of those tasks that arrives at exactly the wrong moment: you are asked to sum up an entire life, in a few paragraphs, within a day or two of losing the person. If you're staring at a blank page, take a breath. There is no single right way to do this, a plain and loving obituary is always enough, and — a gentle reminder before we begin — this does not have to be finished tonight. A first draft the day after is soon enough, and we help families write these all the time.
This guide gives you a simple structure, notes on what to include and what to leave out, and a fill-in template you can use as-is.
What an obituary is for
An obituary does three jobs:
- It announces — telling the community that someone has died, and when and where services will be held.
- It honors — capturing, even briefly, who this person was.
- It gathers — giving far-flung family, old friends, coworkers, and church communities what they need to come, call, or send condolences.
Keep those three jobs in mind and the writing gets easier: you are not writing a biography. You are writing an invitation to remember someone.
The basic structure
Most obituaries follow this shape, and there is no shame in following it exactly:
1. The announcement
Full name (including maiden name or a nickname everyone knew them by), age, city of residence, and date of death. Some families include the place of death or a brief cause ("after a long illness," "peacefully at home"); others leave it out. Both are fine — this is entirely the family's choice.
2. The life
A short paragraph or two: where they were born and raised, who they married, the work they did, the faith they practiced, what they loved. This is the place for the detail that makes people smile through tears — the dominoes on Sunday afternoons, the garden, the thirty years at the same job, the kitchen that always had food for whoever walked in. One true, specific detail is worth ten adjectives.
3. The family
Who survives them — spouse, children (and their spouses, if you wish), grandchildren, siblings, and anyone the family wants named. It's common to name those who died before them, too ("She was preceded in death by..."). Grandchildren are often counted rather than all named ("...and seven grandchildren"). If family spans two countries, say so proudly — many obituaries in our community honor a life lived between Middletown and a hometown abroad.
4. The services
Visitation, funeral or mass, and burial or cremation details: dates, times, and the names and cities of the locations. If services are private, or if part of the farewell will happen in another country, a sentence covers it ("Services will be held privately," or "Burial will follow in her hometown in Mexico").
5. The closing
Condolences, flowers, or a preferred memorial donation ("In lieu of flowers, the family requests..."). Some families end with a line of scripture, a proverb, or a simple thank-you to caregivers.
What to include — and what to leave out for safety and privacy
An obituary is a public document, and sadly there are people who read them for the wrong reasons. A few protective rules we share with every family:
- Never publish a home address. Announce the funeral home and church, not the residence. Burglars have been known to target homes during published service times, so it's also wise to make sure someone stays with, or watches, the house during services.
- Leave out exact dates of birth. "Age 82" honors the years without handing over an identity-theft key. Full birthdates plus a mother's maiden name are exactly what fraud is built from — and obituaries traditionally include maiden names, so leave the birthdate out.
- Be careful with minors' full names — "his grandchildren" or first names only is safer.
- You control the details of the death. No rule requires a cause. If the family prefers privacy, "died peacefully" is complete.
- Don't announce an empty house. Phrases pinpointing when the family will all be away can wait, or be softened.
None of this should make the obituary cold — it just means the warmth goes into who they were, not into data.
A simple fill-in template
Copy this, fill in the brackets, and delete what doesn't apply. It reads as a complete, dignified obituary as-is.
[Full name] ([nickname / maiden name]), [age], of [city, state], passed away on [date] [optionally: peacefully at home / surrounded by family / after a long illness].
[He/She/They] was born in [city, country] [optionally: on...year only, if desired] to [parents' names]. [1–3 sentences of life: upbringing, marriage, work, faith community, what they loved. One specific, true detail.]
[Name] is survived by [spouse]; [children and spouses]; [number] grandchildren; [siblings]; and many [nieces, nephews, cousins, friends]. [He/She/They] was preceded in death by [names].
[Visitation / Calling hours] will be held on [date] from [time] to [time] at [funeral home name, city]. A [funeral service / Mass of Christian Burial] will be celebrated on [date] at [time] at [church or chapel, city]. [Burial / Interment] will follow at [cemetery, city] [or: Burial will follow in (his/her) hometown of (city, country) / Services will be held privately].
[In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to (organization).] [Optional closing line: a verse, a proverb, or a thank-you to caregivers.]
If Spanish is your family's language, write it in Spanish — or in both. An obituary should sound like the family it comes from.
You don't have to do this alone
Helping families write and place obituaries is part of what a funeral home does, and at Meléndez Funeral Home it's part of what our family does — we sit with you, in English or Spanish, shape the draft together, and handle placement with newspapers and online. It is never an extra burden you carry by yourself, and it never has to be perfect on the first pass. This is one item on a longer list of first-days tasks, and the rest of that list is walked through gently in what to do when someone dies.
If you're writing an obituary right now and want help, call (845) 342-0221 — day or night, a member of the Meléndez family answers — or reach us here. More answers to common questions live on our FAQ page, and you can get to know our family here. And if reading this has you thinking about sparing your own family some of these decisions someday, that is exactly what pre-planning is for — even writing down a few notes about your own story makes this page easier for the people you love.